‘I’m either a man or I’m a victim’

Filming started this week! The script is great and feels real thanks to the members of the steering group who have shared their experiences. It’s all very exciting.

As part of this project I’ve been creating training materials to go with the film and found this video by Seth Shelley. It talks about how men/boys deal with being abused when the cultural message is: ‘I’m either a man or I’m a victim.’* The implication being that if you are a victim, you’re not a man. The talk below is about that but it is worth anyone watching because it’s also about being heard, writing your own story and not being defined by others.


*Lisak D (1993) Men as victims: Challenging cultural myths. Journal of Traumatic Stress 6(4): 577–580. DOI: 10.1007/BF00974326.


McCrory, Francis; The Curzon Film Theatre; Queen’s University, Belfast; http://www.artuk.org/artworks/the-curzon-film-theatre-168984

I’m delighted to report, after much effort, I’ve got funding from Research England to create a short film. It is also supported by NHS England and the Office for Health Improvement and Disparities (Department of Health).

What really came out in my research was that poor reactions to talking about abuse can stop people trying to access help and I want to address that. This project has ethics approval from the University of Sheffield.

The film itself will be a drama inspired by experiences of adults who have tried to talk about childhood abuse to NHS clinicians. It will aim to improve responses and make it easier to access help. I’m working with Inner Eye Productions. Inner Eye are an award winning company with a track record for producing films that change behaviour. For examples of the type of films they produce please check out their website. NB: I haven’t watched a single one without getting teary so please be aware of that. 

We have a very short timescale to get this done so I’m sure I’ll be able to update soon. In the meantime I’m ordering a directors chair!

That was a long time ago…it was different then. Part 1

Calderon, Philip Hermogenes; By the Waters of Babylon; Tate; http://www.artuk.org/artworks/by-the-waters-of-babylon-198092

There are people who dismiss poor responses to abuse in the past as ‘it was a long time ago, people didn’t know about it then’ or ‘things were different then.’

I thought I would do a series of blogs looking at the history of our awareness of CSA. We start with two of the earliest sets of laws ever found, both from the Middle East. In these laws an unmarried or betrothed girl was likely to be a child before the age of 11-14 as once a child reached sexual maturity they were married. In the Laws of Ur-Nammu from over 4000 years ago as well as the laws of the city of Eshnunna, from 4000 years ago, anyone who rapes a betrothed girl is assigned the death penalty. The Laws of Eshnunna also state that if a girl is unmarried and not yet betrothed the rapist must marry her. Clearly not an ideal solution! Both laws are based in the Patriarchal idea that a girl’s worth is in her virginity, once that is gone her value and, consequently, her marriage prospects are reduced.

The first specific law prohibiting incest was around 3,800 years ago in Babylon. King Hammurabi’s code was inspired by Shamash, God of Justice. In this legal guidance incest with female children is prohibited; ‘If a man have known his daughter, they shall expel that man from the city’ as is rape ‘If a man force the (betrothed) wife of another who has not known a male…that man shall be put to death and that woman shall go free.’

So 4000 years ago, they did know about it and they created laws against it.


Finkelstein, J. (1966) ‘Sex Offenses in Sumerian Laws’, Journal of the American Oriental Society1, 86(4), pp. 355–372.

Harper, R. F. (1904) The Code of Hammurabi King of Babylon about 2250 B.C. 2nd edn. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. doi: 10.1525/sp.2007.54.1.23.

Online Offending

There is an argument, recently repeated to me, that people who view obscene child abuse material do not go on to offend offline. Now clearly viewing such images IS an offence in itself and often means that you are watching a child being abused. However, the link between consuming such online content and carrying out what is termed ‘contact’ abuse has been under debate.

This article (warning it is quite graphic about the material viewed) outlines a recent survey of 5000 people carried out by a Finnish organisation called ‘Protect Children.’ They found that a third of people accessing such material do go on to attempt to contact a child so we really should not minimise the online behaviour of such offenders.

Art and Flow

The theory of Flow is that when we do something absorbing and challenging it’s really good for our wellbeing. It reduces anxiety and raises self esteem.

In an effort to practice what I preach I’ve been making more time for art.

The idea is that these moment of flow can add together and help you feel more positive about life – raising your wellbeing over a longer period of time. You can reach a flow state in lots of ways: exercising, working, creating – whatever gets you so absorbed that time flies by.

In my research people listed all sorts of activities that gave them a sense of happiness and wellbeing including reading, writing, slam poetry, painting, dance, walking, playing musical instruments, running, meditation, gardening and design.

It doesn’t matter whether anyone else thinks you are any good at whatever you are doing – the point is the doing it and for many people who have been abused self expression and making your own choices is so important. Why not have a go today?


Flow: The Psychology of Happiness (2002) Mihayl Csikszentmihayli

The Tattooed Lady!

Recently I read this article about tattooing as a way to reclaim your body and your autonomy. This resonated with me on a professional and personal level.

Young (1992) argues that for a person who has not experienced trauma, the physical environment is divided into ‘me’ and ‘not me.’ The physical boundary between ‘me’ and the outside world (not me) is at the site of the skin. Therefore, ‘me’ is embodied by the sensations and experiences in the body as well as the mind.

However, for someone who has experienced CSA ‘me’ is only in the mind, as they have learnt to expect little control over what occurs to the body. ‘Not me’ then extends to include the body. This can be worse if the body responded during abuse or if the child dissociated which extends this fissure between mind and body.

Our society pumps out a lot of messages about our bodies; how they should look, act, how we define them, treat them, etc. I think that this can be very negative for people who have experienced CSA because being told what to do with your body is exactly what happened in the first place!

Feeling safe is fundamental to re-establishing a sense of ownership over your body and I don’t think that these messages help at all.

Clearly as part of healing some sort of reconciliation with the body and an improved sense of ownership of it is desirable. Here’s where tattoo’s come in (obviously there are many other ways to achieve this too and if you don’t like tattoo’s that’s fine). Some of my research participants talked about using body modification and decoration to reclaim ownership of the body. Maxwell et al. (2019) also found that tattoos are valued by survivors of sexual trauma to embody their ownership of their body.

In many cultures tattoo’s have spiritual significance with many designs having different meanings. When I had my first tattoo, in my 40’s, my tattooist said that some people he saw their tattoo had deep meaning for them, whilst others it was just a random whim! For me my first, a triquetra, was a design with multiple meanings that I’d wanted since I was a teenager. My second tattoo I designed myself based on the north star. For me personally, my tattoos have been a way of saying that this is my body and I can do what I like with it – reclaiming the autonomy I lost.


Maxwell, D., Thomas, J. and Thomas, S. A. (2019) ‘Cathartic Ink: A Qualitative Examination of Tattoo Motivations for Survivors of Sexual Trauma’, Deviant Behavior. Routledge. doi: 10.1080/01639625.2019.1565524.

Young, L. (1992) ‘Sexual abuse and the problem of embodiment’, Child Abuse and Neglect, 16(1), pp. 89–100. doi: 10.1016/0145-2134(92)90010-O.


Beryl Cook ‘Two on a Stool’ Durham County Council (art.uk)

Diane Kruger ‘Your Body is a Battleground

The Tattooed Woman copyright me

‘I am in the World to Change the World’

Well this is good news to end the week. 400 reads on Researchgate and 204 downloads on the White Rose ethesis site! Whilst I’ve been busy with homeschooling and lockdowns people have been reading my work. 😃 There’s much more in the pipeline that I will share as soon as I can.

In the meantime you can read my work here and if you have already thank you so much! The title is a quote from an artist Käthe Kollwitz that really resonated with me. I want my research to change things for the better so people reading it is wonderful.

Response to Violence Against Women and Girls Call for Evidence

Tuke, Henry Scott; Study for ‘The Message’ (Mrs Fouracre); Falmouth Art Gallery; http://www.artuk.org/artworks/study-for-the-message-mrs-fouracre-14739

This is a copy of the response I submitted to the government’s recent call for evidence. If you want this as a .pdf you can download it here.

About the Research

This submission is based upon Wellcome Trust funded research involving 140 adult survey respondents and 21 detailed interviews, in which participants were asked what helped and hindered their recovery from childhood sexual abuse (CSA). Most respondents were from the UK (82%) aged between 18-70 and included 6% responses from ethnic minorities. The survey respondents were 85% female, 14% male and 1 trans. 8% were disabled when abused. 20% had experienced child sexual exploitation (CSE) and 19% were not sure (possibly being too young to comprehend). 49% were abused by a family member, 42% by an acquaintance and 9% a stranger. 67% of survey respondents had reported the crime to police and 33% had not. This submission will explain what worked well for the respondents, what did not work well and what needs to change.


Victim, Survivor or me?

There was no consensus about terminology used to describe people who have experienced abuse. Some actively chose the words victim or survivor but others did not like being defined by what had happened to them. 

Recovery or Recovering?

Recovering is ‘the shift from being a big bundle of trauma with just a bit of person on the side, to a person with an amount of trauma on the side’

There was agreement that people did not like the term ‘recovery’ because it suggested an end point, whereas ‘recovering’ acknowledged lifelong consequences, encompassed the idea of ongoing effort and did not exclude anyone. You are not always recovered but you can always be recovering.

What Hinders Recovering

Under Funded Services

‘10 weeks here and there with the NHS or a charity meant that you felt as if you were jumping from life raft to life raft.’

76% viewed talking therapies as a positive influence upon recovering but there were many examples given where people struggled to access professional support, particularly longer-term help.

Poor Responses from Professionals and Others

‘After I took an overdose the doctors and nurses said I was an attention seeker’

The overwhelming message from participants was that was that their abuse was compounded by the way individuals and the wider community responded to it. 46% of survey respondents said that the main factor affecting their recovery were the stigma and stereotypes around abuse. Most participants in this research reported poor reactions when they spoke about it, including some extremely bad reactions from close family members. A poor response can silence people and prevent them from reporting the crime, accessing services and results in a lack of awareness about the effects of abuse. Thus, stigma and stereotyping enable abuse.

What Helps Recovering

In many ways, recovering is the opposite of being abused. It is about reclaiming rights, voice, choices and bodily autonomy.

Every Disclosure is Important

‘[My GP] got up from behind her desk and she knelt on the floor with me and she held my hand, talked to me and calmed me down and told me exactly what she was going to do.’

Talking about abuse is hard, and disclosure is not a single event but a multiple one. Kindness is vital. A warm, understanding, caring and non-judgemental response validates their courage. Participants talked about important interactions with professionals that changed their lives for the better. These were characterised by clear, respectful communication which took them seriously. Because the initial response is crucial, all health, care and educational professionals need to be trained in supporting those who’ve experienced CSA

A Strengths-Based Approach

Abuse involves denying the child the right to choose. Recovering is most effective when the individual makes their own choices. Denying the right to choose or infantalising the individual echoes the abuser’s actions and can be damaging. Mapping the individual’s strengths, likes and dislikes then building on them will empower them in their recovering.

‘I haven’t really felt safe to be open about what happened to me very much.’

Safety is vital for recovering, not just in the therapist’s room but in the individual’s life. Many people who have experienced abuse do not feel safe and this need to be addressed. However, some people really are not safe. Some participants reported that they became involved in abusive relationships in adulthood, others were bullied or harassed at home or work. Being safe is the bedrock of recovering. It is hard to focus on recovering when you are not safe.


Participants reported that the most important factor that both helped and hindered recovering was other people. Supportive friends, partners, professionals and communities were very important. Finding those avenues for support is vital for recovering.


Nearly three quarters found creative activities helped, such as art, reading, writing, gardening, design, poetry and gaming. It can be any activity as long as it is challenging but achievable, absorbing and fun. This creates a mental state called flow (Csikszentmihalyi, 2002). During flow you feel less anxious, in control and safer. These benefits can carry over into everyday life.

Body/Mind Connection

Abuse creates a mental severance between body and mind, so the body is an important area where recovering is created and expressed. Nearly half of the people who filled in the survey said they found touch and movement helped, such as sport, yoga, massage, walking and dance. These activities bring many benefits, including creating flow, releasing emotions and creating a feeling of safety.


Addressing Stigma

There needs to be an overarching effort to change the dialogue around CSA/CSE. Victim blaming and stigmatisation means that people are reluctant to disclose abuse because of the very real prospect of being rejected and disbelieved. This benefits perpetrators. Secondly the image of perpetrators as evil monsters, whilst illustrating people’s understandable horror of such abuse, results in individuals being reluctant to accept that their relative, partner, friend or colleague could be a perpetrator. This again benefits perpetrators.

Trauma Informed Responses

Evidence shows that the majority of people who have experienced child sexual abuse have some form of traumatic disorder (Maikovich et al., 2009). Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD) triggers can cause extreme anxiety or fear and thus affects the individual’s ability to engage with services or give evidence in court. Taking a trauma-based approach is essential for professionals helping people who have been abused. Anyone likely to hear such disclosures should be trained in sensitive, trauma informed responses.

Individuals approaching services should be tested for cPTSD (by the NHS) as a matter of course and individuals approaching other services should be treated as though they have cPTSD, in the absence of such an assessment. In practice, this means understanding the individual’s needs and requirements and making all possible attempts to accommodate them. Furthermore,cPTSD and the effects of cPTSD should not invalidate an individual’s credibility in criminal cases but in fact be seen as evidence of trauma.

Improved Support Services

Many children who are abused live in families where other issues (addiction, domestic violence, mental health issues) are ongoing. Proper social care and support will benefit those children, their family and may prevent or limit abuse. As adults, people who have experienced abuse may require long term therapy and support to recover from addictions and/or eating disorders. This research suggests that taking a strengths-based approach will be most effective.


Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2002). Flow: The Classic Work on how to achieve Happiness (2nd ed.). Random House, London.

Cunnington, C. (2020) Adults recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Salutogenic Approach. PhD Thesis.University of Sheffield, Sheffield.

Maikovich, A.K., Koenen, K.C. & Jaffee, S.R., (2009). Posttraumatic Stress Symptoms and Trajecturies in Child Sexual Abuse Victims: An Analysis of Sex Differences Using the National Survey of Child and Adolescent Well-Being. J Abnorm Child Psychol, 37, pp.727–737.

Violence against Women and Girls Consultation

The UK Government have released a survey and a ‘call for evidence’ regarding violence against women and girls (or where the majority of victims are women and girls). You can fill in the survey here:


The deadline is the 19th February.